


Forever in Dog Years

by earthphoenix (roughknuckles)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Devotion, M/M, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-29
Updated: 2007-04-29
Packaged: 2017-12-09 09:55:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughknuckles/pseuds/earthphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU, where Sirius survives the arch. Other canon deaths still apply. </p><p>Sirius Black lost years of his life while in Azkaban, then he began to lose those he cared about in war. But that was years ago, yet Sirius still fears getting close to people, feeling that as soon as he does, something will happen to take that happiness away from him. But Kingsley has had enough, it's been years, and he thinks it is time for Sirius to see that there is nothing to be afraid of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Harry Potter went on his road trips, as guest speaker for international wizarding conferences, the hero of the wizarding world left behind his godfather (in name only, since he had been of age these many years now). Sirius Black, once considered a prince, bred to perfection, handsome and charismatic had long since seemed to shun any part of that old identity. He stayed at home, rarely going out, rarely entertaining those who came to visit.  
  
So it was no surprise to Kingsley Shacklebolt, that when he made his weekly visits to Grimmauld Place, that Sirius did little to acknowledge his guest. Many people (mostly Weasleys) used the house as a half-way-home, when they were going to or from particular events, such as funerals, or thankfully more recently, weddings.   
  
Sirius buried his hands in the pockets of his heavy knit robe that he wore over another sweater and trousers as he walked past the large, dark figure on the couch on his way to the kitchen. No matter what season it was, no matter how many heating spells were cast around the draftiest corners of the mansion, it was always cold in Grimmauld Place. Cold enough to warrant the wearing of layers of clothing for the house's lone occupant. At least it was clean now and half-heartedly renovated. Most of the efforts to make the house more welcoming were abandoned shortly after they'd begun, there just weren't enough visitors to make it worth the effort.   
  
"Nearly done?" Kingsley attempted after Sirius walked past a few more times, commenting in regards to Sirius’s obsessive need to suddenly clean, to put everything away, to make counterspace empty of clutter, even if it was a magazine or crumbs from breakfast.   
  
Sirius paused and turned, grey eyes focusing on Kingsley in surprise before he shrugged and nodded, leaning against the wall as he answered, "I always think so but the house comes up with more to do, there's never enough time for it all-"   
  
"Feel like taking a break? Go get something to eat with me?" Kingsley attempted hopefully.   
  
Having started to walk back into the kitchen, Sirius turned, shaking his head a little as he pushed dark hair out of his eyes that he always wore tied back now. "I'm fine, thanks." He cleared a stack of books that someone left on a small table, reading the titles before he carried them to a shelf and shoved them back in place.   
  
"Hm … a movie then?" Kingsley watched Sirius, even if the other man didn’t bother to look at him.  
  
"Movie?" Harry's godfather looked back at Kingsley, one eyebrow raised as he shrugged and nodded towards the muggle television he'd forced one of his father's desks to accept as a burden, "I suppose, Harry has a pile in the drawers there, find whatever you want."  
  
"I guess, no … the point was to go _out_ and see a new one."   
  
The once expansive, gregarious wizard seemed to have pulled everything: his gaze, his gestures, his voice back into a smaller circle around himself, and he looked as though he were always sleepless the night before. Once again, though, Sirius focused on Kingsley, this time straightening from where he'd crouched to put the books away, his long, warm robe that hung from his frame settled around him as he tilted his head. "Alright, who put you up to it? Molly? Harry?"  
  
Kingsley frowned, uncrossing his legs and standing, rather then remain leaned up against the back of the couch. He was tall, and still built like a wall. "What do you mean?"  
  
The reluctant pureblood crossed his arms, a grim, cynical smile floating over his lips, "I mean who sent you to try and pry me out of the house for no reason?"  
  
"No one sent me." Kingsley began calmly, "And it’s not for ‘no reason’. I just wanted for us to hang out."  
  
"And hang out for is code for babysit?" Sirius arched an eyebrow challengingly, "You don't have to- I'm fine. Why doesn't anyone bloody believe me when I say that?"  
  
"Hang out isn’t code for anything Sirius." Kingsley sighed, "If you don’t want to go out, that’s one thing, but if you don’t want to go out, with _me_ , that’s another entirely and just say so if it is."  
  
The black haired man stepped forward, towards the auror, confused and wary, "Why wouldn't I want to go out with you? I just don't ... I don't like going out, that's all." He looked down at his fingers, his lips shifting in his pale face.  
  
"I don’t understand Sirius, you’re allowed to go out. You used to want it all the time and now that you can … you won’t. There’s no one out to get you, you know … I just, I thought, even a walk would be nice."  
  
Sirius sighed, pacing as he explained in a well-practiced voice, "I know I can go out, I'm fully aware, but I just don't like being out there. I go out there and all I get is stared at, my name might be cleared but that really doesn't make me less recognizable as a-former-mass-murderer."  
  
"No one is going to recognize you at the café, and anyway, they have cheesecake."   
  
"Cheesecake? You're trying to bribe me with cheesecake just to go for a walk with you?" He asked, both guarded and incredulous. Kingsley wasn't the sort of guy who needed to promise cheesecake to anyone to get them to go out with him, he was popular, easy going, he had lots of friends.  
  
"Well, it’s just a suggestion anyway. Gives the walk a purpose," Kingsley touched a hand to his own stomach, "plus, walking there and back will have worked off whatever calories were in the cheesecake."   
  
Sirius rolled his eyes with a wry smirk, "Because we both have to worry about that ..."  
  
"Come on ... it will be good."  
  
"I'm sure Ron or Harry or someone would want to go."  
  
"Yeah, but I’m not asking Ron or Harry, I’m asking _you_."  
  
"Why?" Sirius rubbed the back of his own neck with fine, oddly elegant fingers.  
  
"Because I want to hang out with you, and not just stand around in the house watching you walk by, busying yourself with unnecessary work."  
  
For a moment, Black's grey eyes narrowed and he looked almost angry, "Oh yeah?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"If you don't like what I do all day, why bother coming around?"  
  
Kingsley scoffed, "Hi." He smiled, "My name is Kingsley, and I bother coming around, certainly not for my health, and certainly not for an enriching experience, but because I want to see _you_ , talk with you … just …" Kingsley sighed, "do you want me to stop- stopping by?"   
  
Sirius shifted his jaw, silent for a moment as he seemed to consider before answering quietly, not looking at Kingsley, "No."  
  
"Then why are you being defensive with me? I just want to get out of the house, and I want to still be spending time with you. Thus … going to hang out, _elsewhere_ , that is not the house, requiring you, one, Sirius Black, to leave the house."  
  
Black pushed his narrow shoulders back against the wall beside the bookshelf, looking at the powerless television for a few seconds before he sighed, "And then you'll get off my case? For a while?"  
  
"Nope, probably not." Kingsley said with a grin.  
  
Sirius seemed to half grin, exasperated, "When did you start being such a stubborn hard ass about hanging out with me?"  
  
Kingsley raised his right arm, looking to his non-existent watch, "Wow, let’s see … I average two visits a week, every week, of every month for the past five years …" Kingsley then looked to Sirius, a lot of people had come and gone in that time, some permanently; but Kingsley always came back.   
  
"Five years?"  
  
"Yes Sirius … you’ve really not noticed, have you." Kingsley said, more to himself then anything.  
  
 _How the fuck did I not notice the biggest human being I've ever seen- besides Hagrid- on my couch for five years?_  For a rare instant, the pureblood looked sheepish, "Well I've been ... it's been sort of ..." he looked up at the ceiling, "So what sort of cheesecake does this place have?"  
  
Kingsley smiled broadly, "Chocolate cheesecake, blueberry cheesecake, raspberry truffle cheesecake … mmm, let’s see … and I think this month’s special is Kahlua cocoa coffee cheesecake."  
  
"Let me go change," Sirius headed for the stairs, pulling the tie out of his black hair that had re-grown past his elbows, this time sleek and straight.  
  
"What? Why? You’re wearing clothes, let’s go … come on, come on, all you need are shoes."   
  
"I'm wearing ..." he looked down at himself, "I'm wearing pajamas under about twenty kilos of sweaters."  
  
"It's fine. No one will care, I don't care, you shouldn't care ... come on. Cheeeeesecake." He tempted again.   
  
"Yeah, shoes is what this bloody outfit needs" he shook his head, "I'm not going to lock myself in my bedroom for Merlin's sake, I'm just going to change! You can come make sure I come out if you want."  
  
Kingsley bounded up the stairs, worthy of any excitable pet dog, "Ok, come on then … cheesecake awaits!"   
  
Sirius muttered under his breath about over-zealous aurors all the way up to the third floor, down the hallway, and to his room with Kingsley on his heels. "I have this figured out, you know ..." He stripped the longest layer off, the heavy, knitted dark brown robe that didn't suit him.  
  
"You have … what you’re changing into figured out?"  
  
"No, what you're doing here, on my couch for five years." he pulled another sweater off, a grey cable knit turtleneck.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
He looked back at Kingsley, opening a dresser drawer, "You're addicted to your job. You were paid to be obsessive about me for over a decade, that does things to a person."  
  
"Ah … right. The job." Kingsley scoffed. He was known for leaving his work, at the office, and his personal life entirely separate.   
  
Sirius grabbed a couple items and shut himself in the adjoining bathroom to change, talking through the door. "Well, maybe you go into panic attacks when you don't know where I am!"  
  
"Right … because you know, you’re just all over the place. It’s so impossible to keep track of you."  
  
"You know what I mean," Sirius got dressed without looking in the mirror, splashed water on his face and walked out, "I bet you even know where my shoes are."  
  
"Only because I tripped over them when I came in the house."   
  
Sirius rolled his eyes again, wearing a pair of jeans and soft black turtleneck that hugged his thin body as he tugged a pair of mismatched black socks on, "Entrance way or in the batcave?"  
  
"The front door."  
  
Sirius reached for another tie on his nightstand, starting to pull his long hair back to the nape of his neck, "Great, well ... I hope you're paying because I obviously don't have any muggle money here."  
  
"Yes Sirius, I invited you out, it’s my treat."   
  
He smirked and walked to the door, "Ah, true. Forgot how this whole social thing works since I became a complete shut in."  
  
Kingsley smiled a little more, for some reason he felt it helped that Sirius could recognize and therefore joke about his antisocial behavior. "Let’s go then. Have enough layers?"  
  
"I dunno-" he sighed as he walked down the stairs to the front door, "what's the weather like?" Finally, he reached the front door.  _Last time I used this I almost fell through a fucking death-arch._  
  
Kingsley grinned knowingly, "It’s spring."  
  
"Rain ..." he nodded, pushing his way through the closet of cloaks and a couple jackets, "people still wear leather, right?" he asked innocently.  
  
"Yes, now comeon, or are you really going to stall as long as you can?"   
  
Sirius let his hand linger on the shoulder of a black jacket for a moment before he shrugged it on, "Alright ... let's get this over with." He half smiled, shoving his feet into boots.  
  
Kingsley eagerly opened the door and headed out. He would look like a professional body guard, escorting a rock star down the street except for his wide smile.   
  
"Ugh ..." Sirius mock recoiled as he stepped out, "it's bright out here."  
  
"Imagine that … the sun, daylight … funny thing that, come on." Kingsley touched his hand to the back of Sirius’s arm, not forcing him, but touching him just the same to get him out of the doorway, and outside.  
  
Sirius locked the door behind him quickly, with a tap of his wand and stretched a little as they began to walk down the street. It was nice, now that he was out. He'd become too used to the musty air of the mansion over the years and took a few deep breaths, "Not bad out."  
  
"Not bad? Is that almost as good as saying, you might do it again?" Kingsley stayed rather close to Sirius’s side as he walked confidently, barefoot, down the sidewalk with the reclusive pureblood.  
  
Sirius yawned, "Mmm, maybe. I could be persua- hey. HEY-" He nodded at Kingsley's feet, "why'd I have to wear boots if you're just going to hobbit your way around London?"  
  
"I didn’t say you had to wear boots. You’re the one who wanted to change, I said you could go as is."   
  
Sirius looked up at Kingsley, still squinting a little in the bright grey sunlight that filtered through the drizzling clouds, "Let me guess, your feet are tougher than shoes anyway? Broken beer bottles stand no chance?"  
  
"Something like that … just comfortable like this, why, you bothered?"  
  
"No," he shook his head, starting to reply but freezing a little as a car drove by.  
  
Kingsley didn’t react to the car, nor supply Sirius’s paranoia, except that his hand made itself a little more present against Sirius’s arm as they walked. "Heard from Harry recently?"  
  
"No ..." he murmured, swallowing and forcing back a wave of nausea, walking on with Kingsley, "I mean, yeah, he's busy with work and Ginny's planning the wedding ..."  
  
"Well, I’m glad that they are still doing alright." Kingsley crossed the street with Sirius, his hand going to the flat of Sirius’s back as they walked together. The auror moved and spoke with such confidence at all times, he hoped that it helped to make Sirius feel more secure. He didn’t make it a big deal, Sirius getting out of the house, even though it was.   
  
"Yeah, he's looking forward to having a week off soon. He might swing by, but he sounds pretty worn out- well not worn out exactly, just worn down." He sighed, relaxing a little at the hand on his back. "So where is this fortress of cheesecake?"  
  
"The end of this block, and to the left."  
  
More cars passed, a few people walked past on the other side of the street, two of them peering over at Sirius and Kingsley.  _Keep walking, keep walking .._.  
  
"It’s because of my toenails. I knew I should have painted them a different color."  
  
Sirius laughed and looked down, moving nearer the huge auror without realizing it. "Yeah, your toenails have been on about two thousand wanted posters ..."  
  
Kingsley’s large hand was on Sirius’s opposite side now, his arm hooked around the pureblood’s back as they walked. The black auror obviously uncaring of who looked at them, or any assumptions that were made. It didn’t bother him, as the only thing he cared about was the fact that he was going for a walk with Sirius Black. "What can I say, they like to change their appearance … some days they are feeling purple, some days a bit blue."   
  
The staring couple passed and the ex-ex-convict relaxed a little, smiling at Kingsley's toes, "Makes sense seeing as how they spend a lot of time out in public ... so have you been barefoot for five years?"  
  
"Oh, I’m an off-and-on barefoot kinda guy."  
  
Sirius looked up, a little amused that he had to look up, "Barefoot dependant on weather or mood?"  
  
"Mood. I've gone out in the snow without ... well, nevermind that." Kingsley grinned, "Yes, I would have to say mood."  
  
Sirius laughed, his storm-colored eyes crinkling into half moons, "Niiiiiice, that's ... good to know, Kings," he patted Kingsley on the back, "good to know."   
  
"Yes, and don’t you feel better for it?"  
  
"So much better, thanks. Now I can start sleeping nights." Sirius smirked for an instant, "Weird, you always seemed so uptight in school."  
  
"What?!" Kingsley seemed genuinely surprised by this remark, "You thought I was uptight?"  
  
"Yeah, well ... alright, you never even talked to me so how in hell was I supposed to know you enjoyed frottage with winter?"  
  
"So, people who don’t talk to you, are uptight?"   
  
"You always had all your clothes on, to someone with the STANDING-" he beamed proudly "school record for public nudity, I could only guess that you were a little more restrained."  
  
"I had all my clothes on in class … but you obviously have never been to any of the dorms above the third level, it’s boiling hot up there, no matter the season. I would do my homework in my boxers … gave my roommates a heart attack the first year."  
  
Sirius laughed and found a pair of sunglasses in the pocket of the leather jacket, slipping them on seamlessly, "Oh please, that's so tame ..."  
  
"Tame?" Kingsley grinned, "You have obviously never seen my underwear."   
  
"And if you weren't so tame," he taunted, "I would have by now, right?"  
  
"Maybe if we had been in different circles, I would have felt comfortable enough to invite you polar bear swimming in the lake with me." Kingsley said honestly, but with a smile, which always made a difference.  
  
"Comfortable enough?" Sirius arched an eyebrow above his dark glasses, "You didn't feel comfortable with me? Fellow Gryffindor?"  
  
"Well Sirius, consider … you never talked to me either."   
  
"I was busy being frequently and thoroughly naked!"  
  
Kingsley just sighed, there was no sense in making a big deal about it. When Sirius Black, the pureblood prince had gone to school, there were people he knew, and then there were his elite friends. Kingsley hadn’t really been either. But there was no sense in holding that against the man, they were older now, they were friends (at least, Kingsley would like to think so) now.  
  
Sirius sighed at the same time, "Oh well ..." he leaned against Kingsley a little, "I'm sure your underwear was and is completely scandalous if that helps."  
  
Opening the door to the café, Kingsley allowed Sirius to enter first, standing closely behind him as soon as they entered. "Do you know what you want? I’ll put in our order if you want to find a place to sit."   
  
People. Sirius had forgotten for a moment how strange it was to be out among muggles and not to have to worry about being recognized, not to have to run for his literal life. He paused for a moment, almost ready to leave, but cleared his throat quietly, "Sure ... just surprise me ..." he half mumbled and took refuge at a corner table, not removing his sunglasses.  
  
Kingsley walked up to the counter, viewing the choices in through the glass before placing his order. While he waited however, he kept his back to the back of the café, so that the front door was before him, and Sirius was in the corner of his eye in case the man panicked, or someone they knew came in.  
  
Sirius examined the tabletop closely, fingertips drumming quietly, rapidly against the surface. He could feel Padfoot inside him whimpering, almost howling to leave, to relieve the pressure of not bolting.  _No one's watching you. No one cares. You're no one again._  
  
Then a plate was placed before Sirius. A slice of cheesecake larger then Kingsley’s hand. One plate, two forks. "Here we go … did you want anything to drink?"  
  
 _Holy shit._  Sirius laughed and looked up, "Sorry, waiter, I think I asked for the large cheesecake. Christ, this is the size of Wales!"  
  
"Well, here’s to putting a dent in Wales." Kingsley toasted, clinking the prongs of their forks together.   
  
Sirius smiled again, quietly, and speared a piece of the decadent looking slab of cake. "It's a nice place ..."  
  
"It’s alright … can get crowded when school lets out, but they have good disserts." Kingsley ate at what should only be described as a leisurely pace, considering that while he was a tall, extremely well built man, he was a slow eater, only because he wanted to enjoy each bite, rather then simply fill his stomach.   
  
Sirius tried the first bite, humming appreciatively as it melted over his tongue, "Hmmm ..."  
  
"Not so bad? Maybe … you’ll want to do this again?"  
  
He opened his eyes, looking at Kingsley over the shades, "Mhmm ... it's possible, do they have coffee?" he asked, batting his eyes with a smirk.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Maybe if I had coffee I might do this again ..." another grin, a little brighter, lopsided.  
  
"Meaning, if you had coffee now? Or if you had coffee promised you for next time?"  
  
"Yes," he grinned, looking around, "I'll get it myself, just ask at the counter?"  
  
"Mhmm-" Kingsley encouraged Sirius to do this, but went into his wallet and gave Sirius some money to pay for the coffee.   
  
Sirius winked, taking the muggle currency and walked up to the counter, talking to the man behind the till. The man nodded and turned to get his coffee when someone tapped Sirius's shoulder, making him turn, his light eyes a little wide behind the glasses he was glad he found.

Two men, about Bill Weasley's age stood there, arms crossed, looking at him. "Yeah, that's him alright-"  
  
Within a second, just long enough for someone to take a breath, Kingsley was on his feet and by the counter as well, placing himself between the other men and Sirius, "Is there something I can help you with?"  
  
The two guys looked at Kingsley, the shorter one demanding, "Is it him? You're, what, his bodyguard?"  
  
Sirius took a step back, hand on Kingsley's shoulder, white-faced.  
  
"You want to explain yourself? Otherwise, you are going to apologize to this man for disturbing him and making a scene in public."  
  
The taller boy half laughed, "Look, we're not trying to make a-" he looked to Sirius, "we're not trying to make a scene or anything-" he said, his hands up, "we just want an autograph!"  
  
Sirius gaped, speechless and confused, "My autograph ..."  
  
The shorter man beamed, pulling open his jacket to show a Wyrd Sisters shirt, "Yeah-" he whispered, "you're Stubby Boardman aren't you?"  
  
Kingsley suppressed a laugh, and reached for a pen from next to the register, "They want your autograph." Kingsley suggested, pushing the pen into Sirius’s hand.  
  
Sirius cleared his throat, "Uh-" The taller man held out his arm with a GRIN, "Can you sign my arm!? I'm a bassist too!"  
  
"S ... Sure ... just hold still a second-" Sirius reached over and scribbled something unreadable on the man's arm.   
  
Kingsley silently looked on, amused, a hand to Sirius’s shoulder, secure and supportive.   
  
The shorter man looked like he was about to burst, "I have ... um ... my ..." he rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper, "one of the set lists from that gig in Latvia ... man, that ... that ruled ...!"

Sirius reached over Kingsley and took the paper with a grin, "Yeah, pretty crazy, I barely remember it ..." He signed the papers and the men just stared for a second, like kids seeing Santa Claus.  
  
Kingsley took the piece of paper after Sirius signed it, as if checking to make sure it wasn’t some sort of transfer paper that copied the signature onto some legal document, before handing it back to the fans.  
  
Sirius turned to get his coffee, and rubbed Kingsley's arm, ready to go back to the table. He just grinned and nodded at the fans before they sat down again, trying hard not to laugh. "I'm never taking these shades off" he whispered.  
  
"Look at that, let you out for one day, and you’ve already got fans."  
  
The two men left the cafe, still staring as they walked out the door.

Sirius laughed into his hands, "Oh fuck, I thought I was going to ... I don't even know."  
  
"What? You're fine."  
  
A shout came from across the street, "YEAH! STUBBY RUUUUULES!" And Sirius dissolved into hysterical laughing.  
  
"Wow ... Stubby ..." Kingsley bulged his eyes before eating more cheesecake.  
  
"You're out with a rockstar."  
  
"So it seems."  
  
Sirius smiled widely and took another bite of his cheesecake, beaming happily.


	2. Chapter 2

The front door unlocked easily under Sirius's wand and he stepped in, still laughing. "I should probably listen to them again, if I'm the bassist."  
  
Kingsley only let his hand fall away from Sirius’s back once they were back inside. "Might help make you more authentic for the next time."  
  
He took his shades off and pocketed them again, crouching to undo his boots, "Can't do it without the bodyguard of course."  
  
"Of course."  
  
Sirius stood, kicking his boots off and stretched, looking around at the house like he'd never seen it before.  _Why the hell am I keeping this dump?_  
  
Wiping his feet on the carpet, Kingsley headed for the couch in the living room, laying over the back of it, until his head was on the cushion and he was half upside down. Like this, Kingsley cracked his back and popped his chest bone, seemingly relaxed.   
  
Sirius stretched a little as he walked to the living room, tossing his jacket over the back of a chair, "Worn out?"  
  
"Nope." Kingsley folded his hands behind the back of his head as he watched Sirius walk by.  
  
Sirius paused, looking down at Kingsley thoughtfully, "Well? Are you glad you hauled my ass out of here?"  
  
"Yeah, I am." Kingsley smiled, "Are you?"

A goofy half-grin warmed Sirius's face, "Yeah ... it felt nice and-" he looked around, "now I'm just kicking myself for not going sooner. It's this place, it just drags me down."  
  
Still watching Sirius, while inverted on the couch, Kingsley felt he could almost count down the minutes it would take Sirius to pull away. It always felt like building a bridge that Sirius would test out, but by the time he was ready to cross, the bridge had been swept away by time, and Kingsley was already busy building another bridge. "You don’t have to stay here you know."  
  
Sirius looked around the living room, biting his lip thoughtfully, "Suppose not ..." His voice was soft, the sentence unfinished, and he rubbed his hand on the knee of his jeans absentmindedly.  
  
Kingsley had the conversation for them, he would suggest something, and Sirius would argue that he had no where else to go anyway, nothing to do, no one to be with; regardless of the persistence of present company. Still smiling, Kingsley turned himself right side up on the couch. He stood and approached Sirius, sometimes it was entirely scientific to see what would happen, to see how Sirius would react to him. He had to have a short term memory some times with Sirius, while touching might be completely acceptable one minute, it should never be taken for granted the next.   
  
Sirius had turned, looking around the somewhat cleared out living room. Old trinkets of his parents kept crawling back into the room, no matter what he did and although he'd burned the picture of his mother off the wall Mother's Day of 1997, the family tree wouldn't be altered by anything but time.  _Leave it? I've done it once before ..._ his grey eyes found the scorch mark on the tree where his name once was. Sirius had burnt it off himself before storming out in the middle of a dinner party a long time ago.   
  
Gently, "Sirius…?" Kingsley’s voice and hand on Sirius’s shoulder attempted to pull the pureblood out of the past he often would begin to drown in.  
  
Sirius's head rose a little, suddenly at the unexpected touch and he looked over at Kingsley. Even now the huge man looked like he was smiling. _Why_? "Yeah," he nodded, "just thinking, that's all." It was hard to remember Kingsley was his age, he always seemed so much younger. Sirius looked at the family tree again, but didn't shrug Kingsley's hand off as he shifted his jaw a little, "The place is sort of a dump ..."  
  
"A dump … that you clean obsessively every day."  
  
Sirius pulled away, walking into the kitchen. A glass clinked and water was started in the ancient copper pipes.  
  
Kingsley quietly left Sirius in the kitchen, walking up the familiar front staircase, down a long hall, with large windows making up on entire wall until he came to one of the guest rooms. Letting himself in, Kingsley laid down on his back, closing his eyes as he thought about Sirius. He smiled as he drew up the memory of the man who laughed and smiled for a few minutes that day.  
  
Hearing that Kingsley, his strangely devoted visitor had left. Sirius sank down into a chair in the kitchen, waiting for the relief to sink in that he was alone again, left to do what he wanted. He finished a glass of water, a cup of coffee, and a shot from a well-hidden brandy bottle and waited ...  
  
The more Kingsley thought about Sirius, the more Kingsley relaxed, slowly passing the flat of his own hand down his chest, over his stomach and over his pants. The fit auror spent many quite afternoons like this, touching himself, and thinking of Sirius, knowing that he would have to be satisfied with his imagination of the other man: touching him, rubbing him, pushing his hand down his pants, just as Kingsley was doing to himself.   
  
 _What fucking right does he have to come into my house and push me?_  This, the house, the hidden brandy, the layers of thick clothes had somehow become a comfortable hell. Sirius hated it, of course he hated the place he'd grown up, he hated the idiotic, syrupy pity in Molly and Harry's looks at him, he hated the stale air, but ...  _but, but, but ... I'm done changing. I'm done starting over, damn it._  
  
By now, Kingsley was sitting on the end of the bed, his toes curling on the floor and his pants pulled down to his ankles as he fisted his erection, slowly drawing it out of his body. He wanted to imagine that it was Sirius’s hand on him, but it was difficult, even with his eyes closed, considering just how large his own hands were. He knew his own hands, he was familiar with this action that the only thing new he could bring to the table for himself were under what conditions Sirius would ever consider joining him like this.   
  
Being always away for Christmas and New Years with his family, his mother and older sister, Kingsley imagined what it would be like if he stayed here, with Sirius; their mouths so numb from drinking, they wouldn’t even know they were kissing until their bodies were already twisted together under the blankets.  
  
Another shot of brandy and another, Sirius put the now empty bottle down with a clunk and stood, color in his cheeks. _Who'd want this stupid house anyway? It's broken and ugly and it should have just been torn down years ago, I don't know why it's still standing-_ the pureblood clenched his jaw, storming upstairs, running his fingernails over the fragile, silvery wallpaper, shredding it as he passed.  _Fucking broken, stupid, ugly house, no one even wants to visit here let alone live here, it's completely useless and all anyone would want it for is to turn it into some freakshow ..._  he didn't want to face the sick familiarity of his own room, so he turned sharply down a long hall, headed for an abandoned guest room.   
  
"… Sirius …" Kingsley moaned softly to himself as he bowed his head foreword, jerking himself off a little more urgently. But then something surprised the auror. The door opened. "H- wait- …!" Kingsley rushed all at once to stand and pull up his pants.  
  
Sirius stood with his hand on the ornate doorknob, eyes wide and focused on Kingsley's _holy fuck .._. "Whatareyou- I thought you left!" He looked at Kingsley's face now, then back down, then his face, then away.  
  
"Sorry- no- I- sorry! I’m decent, I’ve got … sorry … sorry!" For once, Kingsley really didn’t know what to say.  
  
Sirius swallowed, laughing a little, realizing his own face was flushed, "I ... I was just coming to get a ... sweater-" he lied, trying not to sound out of breath for no reason.   
  
"Sirius … Merlin … no one has walked in on me since … I was fourteen … Merlin you gave me a heart attack." Kingsley tried to play it off, sitting on the end of the bed again, his hands against his own thighs.   
  
"Uh-" he licked his own lips, remembering that he was supposed to look for a sweater, and walked over to the dresser, pulling the drawers open, his mind blanking out completely at the sight of clothes.  _Christ, I saw him and he was ... he came up here to get himself off? He came up here after going out with me to get himself off ..._ Sirius clutched the edge of the dresser for a second as he felt his head spin, "hey, it's ... fine with me ..."  
  
"Yeah well … still embarrassed, aren’t I?"  
  
Sirius looked back at him, surprised, "I'm the one who walked in."  _You have nothing to be embarrassed about, trust me._  
  
"I thought this was the guest room …" Kingsley looked around briefly.  
  
Sirius just blinked, staring at Kingsley as he leaned back against the dresser. His nipples were hard through the black turtleneck he'd worn out to the cafe and his jeans tightened perceptibly around his hips, "I'm sorry, what?" Sirius had to shake his head, clearing it, or trying to.  
  
"You keep clothes in the guest room?" Kingsley continued awkwardly, licking his own lower lip hesitantly.  
  
"Think so ..." Sirius licked his lip too, his skin still flushed, a deep red creeping up his long, pale neck from under the sweater. "There's really clothes stashed all over the place, so-"  
  
Instead of touching himself, Kingsley pushed away from the bed and approached the other man, "Sirius …" He said softly, as if understanding that any affection between them should be quite and discreet. Touching his hand to the side of Sirius’s face, Kingsley did something rather bold, considering his great respect for giving people personal space and the right to refuse; he kissed Sirius.  
  
Sirius stiffened and gasped as he was kissed, Kingsley's warm, full mouth covering his own, making his spine go fluid and his body sag against the dresser for a moment before he shook his head, stepping sideways, away from Kingsley. "No," Sirius's grey eyes were sharp, his breath was rough, "no ..." he swallowed, "I can't. Sorry."  
  
"Why can’t you?" Kingsley finally asked, after all these years. Sirius had said it with actions, _I can’t,_  by not going outside, by not seeing people, by not doing the things he used to consider fun – but now, saying it with words, it was finally something Kingsley could challenge.   
  
Sirius's eyes narrowed, "Why?" his still-strong jaw locked, "What the hell do you mean  _why_?"  
  
"I mean,  _why_?" Kingsley still demanded, feeling he had a right to know. "Why not? Why is it you can so easily push me away?"  
  
"I'm pushing you away for your own bloody good!" Sirius laughed, bitterly, his hands fisting.  
  
"Sirius …" Kingsley said patiently, "that doesn’t even make sense. Why is it for my good?"  
  
Sirius paced like a caged thing in the large bedroom, taking a large, shaking breath and furrowing his black brows together, "Just ... nevermind, alright!? Maybe I just don't feel like going through all this! Maybe I can't! Maybe I just don't have your energy or your bloody ... whatever it is that makes you smile all the time!" He stopped in front of Kingsley, his handsome face angry, but impassioned, "I don't have enough left of me to LOSE it again, alright!?"  
  
"Going through … what?" Kingsley prompted in all seriousness, "Life? Sirius, what are you afraid of? There’s nothing left to be afraid of … there is no war, there are no dementors after you … I don’t understand, you are losing yourself by  _not_  being yourself, by not living life on your terms … that’s what is being lost Sirius … I don’t … Sirius, tell me, what are you afraid of?"   
  
Sirius closed his eyes and sank down onto the bed, elbows on his knees, face in his hands.  _I just yelled at the one person who still comes around._  "I already know how this is going to end." He mumbled.  
  
"Tell me." Kingsley sat down next to the other man on the bed.  
  
Sirius rubbed his tired face, staring at the wall, the window in the wall with the curtains drawn tightly over it and took another deep breath. "I've done this sort of thing before. We get along, you like me, I like you, maybe I even love you ..." Sirius seemed to drift far away as he spoke, numbly, "We're happy and one day out of the blue, maybe a Tuesday, or a Saturday I come home and someone's waiting for me with that look."  
  
"So … you rather live like this? Rather then take the risk? Rather then even try?" Kingsley shook his head, "You’d prefer this unhappiness?"  
  
Sirius shook his head, a wry, bitter smirk on his lips. "I'm not kidding myself anymore, Kingsley-" he looked at the former auror, the man charged with hunting him down, "look at me" he spread his tattooed, scarred hands, "Sometimes I can barely take care of myself, sometimes I don't bother and trust me, that's not the sort of guy you want to start up with." The light in the room, the low light that the curtains hadn't strangled from the windows played over the fine lines around Sirius's eyes, the stress lines etched in his forehead, "I'm not even technically supposed to be alive anymore, I go to bloody pieces if a black curtain moves in the wind, and I'm lucky to sleep at night ... I'm hardly starting out again in life, alright? I'm ending up. "  _And it would already hurt like hell if I lost you now, if I let you kiss me ..._  
  
"So that’s what this is? You expect me to give up, because you’ve long since given up on yourself. Sirius, don’t you get it? I’m still here. You’re still alive, regardless of how you are choosing to live your life at the present. So, what is it? You want to pretend that you don’t matter? Because you do. I don’t come around here because I have nothing else, I come here, because of you Sirius. Because you _do_ matter."  
  
Sirius laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling in furious, frustrated silence. "It's not that" he bit out.  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"It's that I WANT ... this! I want YOU, alright? I want to be around you for Christ's sake and your lips, and I wanted you to kiss me!" the sentiment sounded ripped out of Sirius's mouth against his will. "I can't DO this because ... I'd be ... insane, I might be insanely HAPPY and then if something happened to YOU, if-" he looked at Kingsley finally, glaring and tearing up at the same time, "I can't afford to do this! If I let you kiss me like that and I let myself kiss you and we ended up ridiculously, sickeningly happy for years one of us is still going to have to die first! I've had too many people I love die first, so ..." he sighed, realizing how stupid he sounded, "I just decided to stop having people I love."  
  
"So you want to pretend that you don’t need people. That you don’t need me. You know" Kingsley suddenly turned a little cold and withdrawn himself, he was, for the first time in a long while, not smiling, "Severus died, pretending."  _Alone_. "Is that what you want? To deny any goodness in your life, because of ‘ _some day_ ’?"  
  
 _You'd be surprised how fast someday shows up_. "No."  
  
Kingsley was still quiet, the hurt of losing his friend still lingered, but it was the point. Yes, you are bound to lose people you care about, but just because their life ends, does not mean that yours does as well. "Sirius … I want to be with you … it’s why I come here. I want to touch you, I think of you when I touch myself … I … even this, coming to visit, and getting as close as I can … at least I have that, rather then nothing at all."   
  
The long-forgotten rush of heat and tingling moved up Sirius's body at the mention of touch, but he only swallowed dryly, not meeting Kingsley's eyes for a long moment. "Sometimes it's better never to know what you're missing ..." the pureblood whispered, feeling his own throat go a little dry, his toes curl in the mismatched black socks he'd jammed on this morning, "you might change your mind once you get to know me."  
  
"Sirius …" Kingsley half laughed, "what’s to know? It’s been years now. What do you think I don’t know? That you sneak shots, Merlin knows why, maybe you get a rush sneaking them rather then just drinking openly … you are an adult, you can do what you want. Or … that you fall asleep while taking a bath? Sirius … for fucks sake, you think I can’t handle whatever it is your trying to conceal from me?"  
  
He opened his eyes again, looking up at Kingsley, who was, of course, looking down at him with that damn patient expression. "I'm not trying to conceal anything, there's no point, you were paid to be an expert in me for over a decade, I'd be a moron to try to cover something up from you."  
  
"Then what is there to change my mind about?"  
  
"Stop being so fucking logical-" Sirius sighed, examining the weave of the fabric Kingsley's trousers were made of intently before he looked up again with a different expression, feeling completely dwarfed by the determined black man next to him. "Just don't make me too happy too fast."  
  
"Right, it’s my job to make you just a little less then miserable." Kingsley scoffed, taking up Sirius’s hand, holding it confidently, before kissing the side of Sirius’s face again.  
  
Sirius half closed his dark grey eyes, keeping his voice low, just between them, "You could already ... hurt me." His fingers laced with Kingsley's warm ones, settling into the spaces, his palm fitting perfectly against the other man's, "It would already ... completely fuck me up if something happened to you." Oddly enough, Sirius's voice was very soft, even fond as he held hands with the larger man.  
  
"I don’t want to hurt you Sirius, but I’m also not going to let you hurt yourself by pulling away from me any longer. Haven’t you noticed? You can’t get rid of me." Kingsley kissed the side of Sirius’s face still, slowly, considerately working his way along the line of his jaw to his lips.  
  
A tiny relieved smile floated over Sirius's lips before Kingsley kissed him again and the pureblood sighed against his mouth, tilting his head and parting his own lips a little to kiss him back. Their hands squeezed, locking together as Sirius moaned, his mouth opening a little more to admit Kingsley's tongue, and then his own.  
  
Though Kingsley had Sirius, more then a thought to jerk off too, he was patient with the man, in no rush to push forward, to get to the ‘good stuff’. Because to him, this was already the good stuff, finally, he was kissing Sirius Black. He loved it; the feeling of the other man’s lips, as hesitant as they were, kissing and gently sucking.   
  
Sirius's free hand moved up, the heel of his palm resting against Kingsley's wide shoulder, fingers curling hesitantly into the gentle giant's shirt as he let himself relax a little.  
  
Laying back against the guest bed, Kingsley let Sirius move over him as much or as little as he wanted, though still kissing, his hand moved to Sirius’s side, touching the man in what can only be described as constant reassurance.   
  
"Mmm-" Sirius shivered a little, tensing before his hands unclenched and slid up Kingsley's chest very slowly, marveling at the size of him, at the latent strength under his skin.   
  
Knowing full well that Sirius hadn’t done anything like this in a long … long time, Kingsley took it slow with the other man, being careful in every regard. "Sirius-" Kingsley began to suggest what would ordinarily be an awkward idea, "would you like to watch me again? Touching myself? See if … maybe that’s something you’d like me to do for you?"  
  
"Yes-" he rasped immediately, catching a glimpse earlier was only enough to make him painfully, embarrassingly hard, something that hadn't happened in years. Once or twice he'd dreamed of sex and woke up almost hard enough to orgasm, but his years in Azkaban had taken it's toll and the once hedonistic man resigned himself to a life without desire.  
  
With one arm hooked around Sirius, touching his sides by moving his hand slowly up and down, Kingsley began to reach down between their bodies, and with his free hand, undid his pants once more, pushing them just off his hips so that he could grasp himself again. Doing this, Kingsley was watching Sirius for a reaction, to see if he could tell if the pureblood liked what he saw.  
  
"Christ-" Sirius swore softly, watching him. His grey eyes were liquid and dark with wide pupil as Kingsley stroked himself.  _He's ... huge ..._  "You're ... you're ..." Sirius swallowed, not able to continue the sentence past the first word.  
  
Kingsley drew Sirius a little closer, tightly as he grasped himself harder. He kissed Sirius’s neck, lips parting over the vanilla white skin, smelling him.  
  
Sirius's neck was still craned, unable and bloody unwilling to look away from the way Kingsley's wide cock went rosy near the tip, the way his fingers squeezed and rolled over the head, "Gods, you're so ... "  _hard, tempting, perfect, sexy, wide, long, maddening ..._  
  
Knowing that if he said what he thought, he might get slapped, Kingsley refrained from calling Sirius beautiful and sexy; but it was this thought, and Sirius watching him that way made the auror gasp softly, then groan in delight as he handled himself. "Do you want to touch me?" He offered.  
  
Sirius's lips dropped open, slightly wet from his fast, deep breath, and his grey eyes went up to Kingsley's brown ones in reply, if he started to reply he didn't know if he'd ever stop babbling hysterically.  _You want my hand there, my hand on your cock ..._ Sirius moaned again, wordlessly and kissed the former auror, reaching down and stroking his fingers over the curve of Kingsley's hip with a shudder.   
  
"Mmm-" Kingsley hummed in a low, pleased voice. Looking down between them, Kingsley watched Sirius’s hand, his own going to the pureblood’s smaller wrists, stroking, holding them as he guided the other man’s hand.  
  
This wasn't the way Sirius remembered sex, it used to be hurried, sweaty, rushed and sometimes anonymous in the back of wizard and muggle clubs alike, bedrooms he never saw during the daytime, dorm rooms. He could never remember feeling this hesitant and willing at the same time, not even for his first time.  
  
Letting Sirius explore on his own, Kingsley began to rub his hand over Sirius’s hip, down the side of his thigh, watching him still for any indication that it was too much, too soon. "Sirius- that feels- good-" Kingsley moaned softly, assuring the other man that he was enjoying himself.  
  
The pureblood moaned quietly, almost reverently as he kept his fingers wrapped around Kingsley's erection, "Kings ... Kingsley ..." He licked his lips and squeezed him slowly, teasing the rim of his head with his thumb.  
  
"Sirius-" Kingsley moaned softly. It was hard to explain, and he would feel stupid for saying it, but he respected Sirius a great deal. From the young man he used to be, giving the finger to authority, to the man who stepped up to the challenge of being a responsible godfather, when perhaps all he wanted was just to have some fun again in his life. Then, and now, Sirius always seemed to do the right thing in the end. And Kingsley enjoyed thinking that perhaps he too, was the right thing.   
  
Sirius tilted his head back, eyes closed now, exposing his long, creamy neck to Kingsley's warm, dark mouth as he stroked Kingsley. He couldn't quite remember how, he couldn't remember what he'd enjoyed about sex but his body hadn't forgotten how.   
  
Full, moist lips began to caress Sirius’s skin, "Sirius" Kingsley whispered again, as if even saying his name was still something to be kept secret, special. He kissed the corner of Sirius’s mouth while rubbing his large hand over the layers of clothes on his back, but then, not so suddenly, Kingsley pushed his hand under the bottom hem, then up again until he found skin. Thumbing over the nearly forgotten muscle, Kingsley savored each second that Sirius let him get closer.  
  
"Ahh-" Sirius's back arched, pressing his hips and thighs against Kingsley's shamelessly. "Gods, please, more ... more, touch."  
  
Kingsley smiled, his hand roaming more feely against Sirius’s body. The more the pureblood arched, the closer Kingsley held the other man, keeping them together so that when Sirius squirmed and began to grind himself, he had only Kingsley to rub against; and clearly that was exactly what he wanted.   
  
The pureblood's fingers closed around Kingsley's cock and, unable to think about how to do it anymore, Sirius began to milk the larger man in earnest, faster, harder, twisting his hand around and over the red, swollen head that already started to leak pre-cum. "Fuck- " he swore, breathlessly as he felt his own erection against the front of Kingsley's thigh and his eyes open, "ohMerlinKings ... Kingsley you ... you made me ..."  
  
"Keep going-" Kingsley encouraged, reaching over and touching the flat of Sirius’s stomach with his second hand, pushing up his shirt, so that he could slide his fingers down the front of his pants, "I want to feel you rub up against me Sirius … I want you to see what it makes me do … I’ve thought about it for so long …"  
  
"Ahhh ..." he groaned, "I ... I ...yesyesyes." The eager pureblood started to shift his own trousers off, down his legs, stripping eagerly and pressing against Kingsley's body while he kept stroking the darker man's cock between their stomachs.  
  
"There-" Kingsley smiled, palming over the head of Sirius’s cock, thumbing along his length while watching the other man, "there Sirius …" though a little awkward in their movements, both men were eager and seemed to equally enjoy rubbing against one another. Arching his neck, Kingsley kissed Sirius on the lips, long and thoughtfully as he groaned at both the sight and feeling of Sirius like this with him.  
  
Sirius's lips locked over Kingsley's, tugging and sucking, tongues meeting over and over. The reluctant prince's hair came out of it's tie, becoming a shimmering black waterfall down his back and over his shoulders as he shifted closer, pulling his hand away from Kingsley's sex and wrapping both arms around his thick neck as he pressed them together, skin against skin, erections brushing as he started to grind.  
  
A sort of growl escaped Kingsley’s chest as he groaned, kissing Sirius, rubbing his back, holding onto his hip, then further down, palming, then squeezing the round of his ass. "Sirius … Sirius … fuck, I want you to come all over my stomach, can you do that? Can I help you do that?"   
  
Sirius gasped hard, his voice breaking as Kingsley squeezed his ass, his hand occupying almost all of one cheek, "I ..." he nodded, panting against Kingsley's moist lips, "I want to, I .. you're so ... trust me I want to, but ...." he swallowed, "I ... might not be able to, just because since I got out, I haven't been able to-"  
  
"Alright Sirius … but I want to try, I want to try to help you to … and if you don’t like it, I’ll stop …" Kingsley said as he squeezed Sirius’s ass again, still encouraging the other man to rub. He kissed Sirius on the neck, up his jaw to his lips once more.  
  
Sirius whimpered and kissed Kingsley, grinding against him even more vigorously, their bodies sliding and rutting together as though they were already fucking. At the thought, another swell of lust hardened his cock and he shuddered, "GodpleasenowKings ..." he begged.  
  
Sliding his second hand between their bodies again, Kingsley slowly curled his fingers around Sirius’s sex, pressing his thumb up against the base and of the head of his cock. Feeling Sirius fuck his hand, Kingsley squeezed tighter, "There Sirius … oh … you can do it … I want it … all over me …" he groaned.  
  
"OH ..." Sirius's head fell to Kingsley's wide, sweaty shoulder and he swore with what little breath was left in his body, "Fuck, Kings, you're so bloody good ..."  
  
Sliding his thumb over the head of Sirius’s cock over and over, Kingsley was sure that he was about to get a shower of cum from the pureblood who had plenty of pent up sex drive that needed release. "What can I do? Is this enough? Do you like this … do you want me to keep going?" Kingsley asked, his other hand began to move down the back of Sirius’s thigh, encouraging the other man to move closer still, further up on the bed, further up on him.  
  
"I ... I ..." he cried out, gasping, unable to think anymore. "I want ... I want ..." he gripped Kingsley's shoulders violently, looking at him with lust-blurred grey eyes, "fuck me."  
  
"Sirius-" Kingsley’s voice was soft, reasonable, "I don’t want to hurt you." As he was convinced he would if they jumped right to them having sex. "Sirius … Sirius, it might hurt …"  
  
Sirius shifted up, kicking his trousers off of his calves before he straddled Kingsley's waist, bending down to kiss him, his long black hair curtaining them both. The air between their faces smelled like lavender, Sirius's shampoo. "Please, please ..." he moaned, his voice dropping to a thick, soft pleading tone, "please, Kingsley, I want you to, I fucking need you to show me it can be good again."  
  
Though Kingsley was worried that he wouldn’t be able to show it was good, that there was only pain; the man had wetted his hand and fingers with his own saliva and had begun to stroke himself again, as wet as he could manage, "Alright Sirius … easy, there’s no rush …" Licking his own lips, then sucking on the lower one, Kingsley watched Sirius, one hand on the pureblood’s hip as he helped to guide the man down over him. Pressing his finger between the cleft of Sirius’s ass, Kingsley began to stroke and tease the pucker of Sirius’s ass.  
  
Sirius's eyes closed, he looked almost serene and his lips curled in a smile, "Mmm-" he hummed. It felt like the space where his heart used to be had filled with helium, he was floating. He opened his eyes again and looked down at Kingsley, completely enraptured, "Christ, that's ... good ... so good ..."  
  
Kingsley smiled as well as he worked his finger over the tight muscle, then began to press the pad of his finger in, never forcing more then what Sirius’s body seemed willing to take. "Oh … Sirius-" Kingsley groaned, the thought of it all was making him drip pre-cum down the length of his shaft and back onto his own thigh.  
  
"Ohh-!" he moaned, his lips humming against Kingsley's mouth. It didn't hurt, not after everything Sirius had been through, "Yesyesyesyes-" his voice bent and twisted like taffy as he moved back a little, eager for more of Kingsley's finger, more of his voice and the trembling of his body under Sirius's thighs.  
  
Slowly, Kingsley pushed his finger in to the first knuckle, after which it was easy to push to the second. He let his finger remain mostly limp, except for wiggling, stimulating the nerves on the inside of Sirius’s body. "Oh, look at you … how does that feel? Sirius … my god, I’ve wanted to touch you for so long … your wonderful … oh- sweet Merlin …"  
  
Kingsley was answered by a kiss that pressed his head into the blankets under him and Sirius's tongue tangled with the the groaning man's under him. The pureblood broke the kiss to gasp for breath, easing his own body up and down over Kingsley's thick finger, "You're- you're amazing ... amazing-"  
  
Soon though, it was clear to Kingsley that it was not enough. His wrist was getting sore from holding the same position as Sirius rode his finger, so purposefully he began to withdraw his hand, kissing Sirius, touching his back; assuring him this was not the end. Grasping himself, Kingsley pushed the head of his cock against the inside of Sirius’s thigh, the head of which was wet, but distinctively much larger then his finger, "Only if you want it …"  
  
Sirius nuzzled his face against Kingsley's, whispering as he tilted his hips just enough to run the tip of Kingsley's cock against the cleft of his ass, "This is the only thing I've wanted this much in a long, long time ..."  
  
Kingsley smiled fondly, kissing Sirius as one hand pushed down against Sirius’s tailbone until the pureblood had penetrated himself. Kingsley groaned, his head tipped back as he licked the fullness of his lips, "Sirius … sweetMerlin …" he gasped as he slid into Sirius’s body. His hands moved immediately to Sirius’s hips, gently easing him down, still touching and fingering at the skin of his body.  
  
"AH-!" his head snapped back and he straightened over Kingsley, his lips forming a wide, silent "O" as Kingsley penetrated him, filling Sirius's tight entrance. It didn't hurt, it didn't feel like any sort of actual pain Sirius was accustomed to, the stretch of his muscles stung and he could hardly stay still; but it was beautiful.  
  
"Sirius- your body-" Kingsley gasped, unable to finish his own thought as his own body tightened in response. He moved Sirius a little back, then a little forward, rocking him to see if one position helped better then another. In that moment, it felt like too much of anything, too much moving, too much breathing, too much touching – would make him come. Kingsley began to sit up, so that Sirius was on his lap, while his arms curled around the pureblood’s body, holding him as he rocked the other man in his arms. "You feel so good Sirius … gods, I …"  
  
Sirius rocked against Kingsley's sex, feeling him hit long-forgotten nerves inside, able to distinguish Kingsley's heartbeat from the pulses of his cock. "You're ..." he whispered raggedly, clutching Kingsley close, their noses together, "you're fucking me ..." as good as it felt physically, the thought of Kingsley fucking him was almost enough to make Sirius come on it's own.  
  
"Yes- yes- Sirius- oh yes-" Kingsley groaned, breathing against Sirius’s lips before managing the concentration to kiss them. "Sirius- I don’t … I won’t be able to wait … you’re going to make to come … when you move like that … fuck, you feel … so bloody good."  
  
"I ... yesyesyesyesI'm-" a sudden crush of heat in his loins made Sirius yell out and knocked the air out of his lungs, "KingsI'M ohGODSI- I'mgoingto-" the pureblood's long, slender, white back went rigid and then backwards as Sirius impaled himself on Kingsley and shouted, coming all over his lover's black stomach in waves.  
  
"SIRIUS!" Kingsley cried out, fingers freezing as they clung onto Sirius’s sides like massive claws when the pureblood suddenly rode him hard. It took just that instant, and Kingsley came just as quickly, spilling into Sirius’s body over and over as he gasped, rocking and holding the man on his lap as his hips continued to thrust in final spasms.   
  
Sirius's palms were tingling hard, his toes and fingers felt like they'd been lit on fire and then plunged into ice and his head spun as his cock emptied against Kingsley, still twitching when Kingsley came inside him, holding him. The larger man almost crushed Sirius in his arms but he didn't complain, he'd never complain about something that felt so perfect. He took a breath and it was trembling, he was trembling and his ears were ringing, "Ohgods, ohgods, Kingsley." Sirius half moaned. The pureblood reached up and rubbed a thumb against Kingsley's sweat-soaked cheek before he pressed his lips there, both of his arms tight around Kingsley's solid shoulders.  
  
"Mmm-" Kingsley smiled, pleased by Sirius’s reaction. Turning his face, he pressed their lips together, sucking slightly, but mostly kissing.   
  
Sirius dissolved into the kiss, laying down as Kingsley did, staying on his chest and not letting their lips part until he felt Kingsley withdraw from him and moaned, grieving the loss inside him. The pureblood half opened his grey eyes, looking at Kingsley's smooth, reassuring face with a little, breathless smile, "I think," he purred, "we should sleep like this."  
  
"Perfect-" Kingsley continued to smile, affectionately touching Sirius’s sides, back, up to his shoulders, then down his arms. "Comfortable?"  
  
"Very ..." Sirius's eyes were already closing on him as though his body had been waiting for Kingsley to hold him before it would dare relax enough to give into the years of sleep deprivation he'd braved "You?" Sirius's voice was a little slurred.  
  
"Mhm." Kingsley sighed, his eyes already closed as he continued to touch Sirius, well into an unconscious state. Their two bodies, smelling equally of sweat and sex, remained close, secure.

**Author's Note:**

> co-authored. originally written for thestralskinphoenixtears


End file.
